My nervous system was on high alert, I could feel my body contracting –trying to get smaller, and my foot was pressing hard against the imaginary brake pedal. I was in the passenger seat as we drove from Seattle to Portland. Okay, first world problems. We were on vacation. But my nervous system did not care. It kept screaming “Impact imminent!” I tried not to make panicky sounds or shout too many warnings to my poor husband who was doing his best navigating the heavy traffic he’d been away from for the past twelve years.
I made it worse by lecturing myself about perspective. Think of the people in Gaza, Ukraine, Sudan—even the USA—whose lives are in imminent danger from bombs, starvation, and unjustified imprisonment. “Get a grip,” I muttered but my nervous system didn’t care. The big truck beside me might be moving closer. The car in front has its brake lights on—we may hit it.
This anxiety was unusual for me as I’m generally a calm person. Granted, I don’t live in a war zone. Because I’m not accustomed to dealing with anxiety, I wasn’t sure at first what to do with these uncomfortable feelings.
Calm down!
Desperate, I decided to practice what I’ve preached. I texted a few friends and asked them to pray for our safe travels and for my return to center and peace of mind. I put on angelic music. I closed my eyes and practiced breathing --4 counts in, 6 counts out. Slow down. I reminded myself about deeper truth. I am one with all that is. (Hopefully, not literally with that truck beside me.) I am not this body. I am light, everywhere present. I am safe. Angels protect me, but it goes deeper. I am the source of the safety. The light without limits. I am a cosmos of starlight, swirling with galactic grace. My cells are specks in an infinite sea of energy. All is calm. All is bright.
Why I got a tattoo at 75
Then I thought about that tattoo—my first and only one. There’s a story about why I finally got one in my mid-seventies. Two years ago, I attended the Parliament of World Religions. A Hindu saint, Amma, was giving blessings. When it was my turn to approach her, the acolyte preparing us reminded me to be clear about the blessing I desired. I started thinking of all the people I was carrying with me—my children, grandchildren and husband, my spiritual community, my friends, larger family and clients. I had quite the metaphoric armful. Then it was my turn. Amma placed her hands on my head, infusing me with love and I heard the words of the Great Mother. “I carry you.” As someone who is always carrying others, this went straight to my heart. I’m being carried? I couldn’t stop crying. I had to remember this message, so I had it inked on my wrist. Now, as my panic was slowing down, I rubbed my wrist and heard the Mother reminding me, “I carry you.” This helped. At least while my eyes were closed. I’m pretty sure my husband didn’t need his panicky co-pilot to keep monitoring the scene, so I kept them closed.
Mother Nature’s full sensory lullaby
Then we pulled into a rest stop and Mother Nature finished calming my nerves. I breathed in the smells and colors of flowers and trees and a field of green. I laid down in the soft, warm grass and recited my truth like a mantra. I am carried. I am safe. I am light. I am peace. All is well.
Anxiety
Anxiety is something that most people feel some of the time and some feel most of the time. When it’s most of the time, there is likely to be trauma at the root of it. If you were not safe in your young life, especially if it was a chronic condition, you are likely walking through life like there are land mines scattered randomly in the ground of your being. This situation requires soothing of the part that experienced the trauma, but you may be reluctant to revisit those memories. Hypnotherapy is one of the modalities that can help, if you can relax and trust enough to try it. It’s the one I practice so that’s the one I can talk about.
So how do you relax and trust when you’re anxious? One way to calm yourself is to use emotionally rich images that you associate with peace. For me, the image of my tattoo and the story behind it was soothing. I’ve also got an imaginary cabin atop a mountain with a field of flowers that helps me when I remember to go there. Some of my clients have trees they climb or a spot by the shore.
Here’s a section from my upcoming book, Deep Medicine, that illustrates how one very anxious client found enough safety and trust to try hypnotherapy so she could address the trauma she knew was lurking just outside her memory.
First, Pitch the Tent
“Open Sesame” was the magic phrase that opened Ali Baba’s cave of wonders. To open the subconscious mind, we have to start not with magic words but with images that evoke safety. People are unsure what they will find in their hidden inner chambers and so they tend to drag their metaphoric feet. However, if I take them somewhere beautiful, where they feel safe enough to pitch a tent and enjoy the scenery, then eagerness and curiosity replace their fear and misgivings. A beach, a lovely campground, a mountain retreat–any location that meets the criteria of beauty, peace, and safety will do. This location then becomes a base camp. They return again and again steeping in the safety the environment offers. Soon they are willing to uncurl those white knuckles and slip inside their personal cave of wonders.
Charlotte was a client who definitely needed a base camp. She procrastinated about even setting an appointment. She waffled between knowing she needed to face the trauma in her past and being terrified to look at it. When I suggested we just have an experience of the inner world and absolutely not revisit the trauma on the first day, she jumped at that option.
In her session, I painted a picture of her three little girls digging a deep hole in the sand. I told her they wanted her to go down the staircase they built in the hole because they had a surprise for her. When she got inside, there was a room festooned with party decorations and a delicious looking cake. The children were giggling and happy to show her their surprise. Charlotte felt relieved and delighted and cherished–all good feelings to associate with the inner world. I also brought in a wise woman who was kind and gentle and took Charlotte’s hands in her own warm hands. Charlotte felt the protective energy, which she had never enjoyed in her life. At the end of our session, this is what she told me.
I feel like I went to another world. I feel so calm. I am trusting my intuition more lately, but I haven’t had much faith in it before this. But I trust the wise woman. I believe she will guide me. I liked the feeling of her leading me, holding me by the hand. I didn’t have to go first. Nobody has ever done that for me. I feel safe.
We didn’t do anything else that day, but Charlotte had found her base camp, her “Open Sesame”. The next day I received a text from her.
I wanted to say a huge thank you to you. You were truly amazing yesterday, taking me to that beautiful scene. It made my heart so much lighter. It was very emotional, but in a good way and such a positive experience–much more than I expected. The level of trust I felt from seeing and sensing the wise woman has left me speechless. Holding my hand, ready to lead the way. It was all very deep and moving. I know Spirit presented it all with your help. It was such a gift. I will definitely be rescheduling.
Later, Charlotte rescheduled and was able to face the traumatic memory underlying her anxiety. She found she didn’t need to recall the horrifying details. She only had to see enough to confirm that what she suspected had really happened.
What about you?
Right now, maybe you are also dealing with a fraught nervous system. Please don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re not to blame for being afraid. Maybe you’re just wired more sensitively. Maybe there is trauma behind your anxiety. If you’re always anxious, this is worth exploring. If your anxiety is circumstantial, like my freeway escapade, perhaps it’s just fear of dying. I would have told you I’m not afraid of dying because I believe life continues, simply changing form. But that’s an idea. Something I’m intellectually comfortable with. There’s a wide gulf between the mental acceptance of death and being relaxed on a visceral level as death suddenly comes barreling toward you.
When anxious, we often feel paralyzed and unable to free ourselves from that emotion. While we can’t really control whether our nervous system seizes up, we do still have agency. We can start to notice what we are thinking. The thoughts we hold tight to dictate what we feel. We can’t control what will happen. That truck could have moseyed over the line and sent us into the hereafter. None of us know when our time is up, and all our bodies have an expiration date. But by reminding ourselves of the eternal nature of our being, by breathing in a calming way, by using relaxing images and music, and by focusing on the beauty of nature, we can manage to take ourselves down a notch. The more tranquil our thinking, the more resources we can access.
I’d love to have you try leaning into the Mother. Let her sing her lullabies of natural beauty. Imagine you can hear her whispering to you, “I carry you.” Even though I really needed to hear those words, they were never meant just for me. You are also a precious child of the Great Mother of Life. Let her cradle you and watch your anxiety diminish. Anxiety is not the boss of you. There is a beautiful higher power reaching out to hold you. Lift up the arms of your soul and allow yourself to be carried.
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