Laws are made to keep a tight rein on primal instincts to run, toss, and smash. Currently, in the US, as the rule of law disintegrates, I’ve been thinking about law from both a primal and a spiritual perspective.
I watch my nearly two-year-old grandson run gleefully around the living room while the adults give chase before this naked little boy can pee on the carpet. He tosses balls and decorations with wild abandon because he likes to throw. He can’t yet consider that some of the things he hurls may break or hurt the target. This is age-appropriate, wild-boy-child energy. My older two grandsons were the same at that age but at 7 and 13 they follow most rules and can anticipate consequences of their actions, sometimes.
Trauma’s Complication
Trauma creates an overlay on this primal behavior. When children are abused, belittled, neglected, or pressured to conform to harsh expectations, they begin to internalize laws of their own making just to survive. Some laws are defensive, to keep the person small and out of sight; others are aggressive, to eliminate adversaries before they can strike. Both are based in fear. Here are some of those laws. See if you live by any of them.
· I must be the best and always win.
· I must submit.
· I must be perfect. There is no room for error.
· I must be quiet. It’s dangerous to make a fuss.
· Say what the person in charge wants to hear.
· Don’t tell.
· Attack first.
· Always be alert for danger.
· Don’t let anyone get close.
· I can take whatever I want.
When individuals learn at an early age that their survival depends on following such rules, their internal programming doesn’t allow for a more mature perspective. As a result, their relationships are challenging because under pressure they act like children. Often, they are frustrated professionally because they are too aggressive, lack initiative, or don’t play well with others. Because the dreams that matter most require creativity and openness to inspiration, they struggle to achieve goals that bring deep satisfaction. Their energy is consumed by fear.
Here is just one story from my upcoming book, Deep Medicine, that illustrates how early strategy survivals become internal law. This passage also shows how a higher law can begin the process of getting free.
Bill’s Angry Start
Bill’s anger was out of control. He’d grown up all over the south, the son of an army ranger. His mother’s family was in the Cuban mob and his paternal grandfather was connected to the mafia in the US. Although his father shunned any affiliation with the mob, he believed you must push to succeed and that there are dangers everywhere, so you have to be on guard. Bill’s father was adamant that vigilance meant striking before you can be attacked. He made sure there was a gun in every room.
Bill’s father trained his children to always be prepared to fight by dragging them out of bed in the middle of the night for drills to defend the house. He told me, “We had to be able to go from a relaxed state to armed readiness at any instant, so I forgot how to relax.”
Bill’s older brother resented him because Bill was his mother’s favorite and got lots of attention as a baby. The brother beat Bill mercilessly and daily. When his mom complained to his dad about her inability to stop the brother, his father dismissed her concern. “It’ll toughen Bill up. He’s too sensitive,” he’d said.
The brother would hold Bill under water until, terrified that he was drowning, Bill would fight his way free, screaming and punching. His father labeled that behavior as overreacting. Not surprisingly, Bill never felt safe as a child, so he had to learn to fight.
As an adult, Bill found antagonists everywhere. When he started seeing me, he was embroiled in a dispute with a corrupt developer that had involved all his neighbors and the city as well. He came in week after week, surging with adrenaline. He hated his anger but couldn’t stop himself or find a way to stop all the persecution he experienced in life. His wrath was affecting his marriage, his peace of mind and his creativity. We set the intention to take an inner journey to find that elusive peace of mind.
Portal to Peace
Bill found himself in a dark cave looking at a child crouched in the corner, holding onto something. The following dialog went back and forth between us.
“Can you tell what the child is clutching?” I asked.
“He doesn’t want me to see it.”
“Breathe love in the child’s direction without trying to force any outcome,” I directed.
Bill responded with surprise. “He has a doll in his hand. It has red hair, a horizontal striped shirt, and a white sailor’s cap. He wants me to hold his doll.”
Bill’s eyes were flooded with tears and then he began to sob and speak sometimes directly to the child and sometimes to me.
“I do love you,” he told the doll.
Then Bill confided in me. “I forgot about him. His only friend is his little sailor doll. My God, he’s lonely.”
“You shouldn’t be alone. You shouldn’t be in the dark,” he told his child self.
“What would you like to do?” I asked Bill.
“I’ve been holding the child for a while. He’s curled up in my lap. He wants to go home with me. I’m gonna take him. He wants to see the light but he’s afraid of it. It’s noisy too, chaotic,” he replied.
I asked Bill, “Is there anything you might do to ease the boy’s transition?”
“Maybe he’ll trade off his loneliness for support, even if it means a little chaos,” said Bill.
Bill’s Secret World
Then he added, “The boy has something else he wants to show me. It’s a secret world. He has been out in the light before. There’s a doorway that opens out into a child’s world. It’s beautiful. There’s an owl in a tree that he talks to who is wise and knows everything. I know that owl too. I forgot about him. There’s a treehouse with lots of little people—either children or owls–I’m not sure.”
Suddenly, Bill sat bolt upright with his eyes wide open. “What happened?” I asked.
“A voice just said to me, ‘Wake up—this isn’t Wonderland’,” Bill explained.
I wondered aloud, “Who does that voice belong to?”
Bill’s response was instant. “My father.”
Knowing how much sway his father still had over Bill, I stepped in and made some strong suggestions to change his story.
“Lie back down, close your eyes, and listen carefully to this important message,” I said.
“This is not your father’s world. You don’t have to live in your father’s world. Your father’s world is fine for him, but not for you. Everyone has their own world to create. In the book of Genesis, God creates a world of his own. As children of God, we are creators too. Each of us has the job to create a world of our own. Return to that world now. Accept your world. It’s okay for you to choose to live in a world of peace.”
Bill spent a luxurious long while exploring this world and basking in the peace. Afterwards he told me he had not felt such calm in a long, long time. This serenity stayed with him throughout the week even though the chaotic circumstances of his life didn’t change.
I think you can see how Bill was following an internal law that directed him to fight off the enemies who were all around. Peace was not an option in his life unless he changed the law he was living by.
Spiritual Law
There are spiritual laws that affect us all, regardless of whether we know about them or believe in them. One is “As above, so below.” We could also express that “As in heaven, so on earth.” Another spiritual law says, “As within, so without.” The first of these laws is telling us that the qualities of higher consciousness, “the above,” are present and available in our awareness and our world. If we adopt that higher way of thinking and being, then we will not only feel it within but will express it and find evidence of it without.
As we face the challenges before us, whether in our personal lives or the political world, we can begin to find a peace born of understanding and compassion by recognizing the signs of trauma that likely underlie unruly behavior. We take that peace to a deeper level by applying those two spiritual laws.
If order, rather than chaos, governs the cosmos, then it must rule what is happening globally and personally. As above, so below. If what we see does not align with order, then our point of power is not in trying to affect other’s actions. Instead, we can examine our own consciousness. Where are we out of alignment with the law? We may be breaking laws we have established for our own well-being like daily exercise or meditation or healthy eating. We may be allowing ourselves to follow lower laws of selfish interest rather than higher laws of communal good. Perhaps we are failing to follow our soul’s call because we are letting fear be the dictator of our lives. When we see others breaking the law, if we allow ourselves to drift into hatred and vengeance thinking, we add to lawlessness because as within so without means that our negative consciousness will be reflected in the world we see. Hatred and vengeance inspire lawlessness, not order.
Most of us observe lawlessness and feel upset but even though the lawless can smash and damage, there is a higher power. We can access that power and infuse it into our world by embodying qualities like compassion, peace, and courage. As within, so without. That’s what Gandhi meant when he said, “Be the change you want to see.”
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